Whose Move Is It Anyway?
Many African women grew up with the idea that the man did all the chasing while the woman did the waiting or played the role of the shy one that didn’t want to be disturbed. We all grew up reminding ourselves that being too forward was frowned upon and that women who were too forward in the courting stages of their relationships were the ones eventually dumped for the conservative, shy, and figuratively speaking virgin. For many of us, we have learnt how to do the associated eye rolling, while swinging our hips to the sounds of the tsk, tsk sounds from men as they heckled and admired our beauty. I am sure many a young African women have had to stop and maybe clap their hands while looking up to the sky and exclaiming, “why are all these men disturbing me”…but fast forward to 2008.
The roles seems to have changed as more women seem to have taken the reigns in terms of education and finance. With more and more women taking longer to tie the knot and get married – a lot more are deciding to take the reigns in dating and relationship and many are marking their claim for the man they want. Why sit back and wait when you two both know you like each other? I have often wondered how it will feel to be the aggressor in the chase and if any African woman will be upfront enough to say – “you know what I made the first move”. Enter Remi Fagbohun – Fashionista extraordinaire and a woman that is making waves in terms of Image Consulting and Styling in New York City.
I had a chance to speak to this happily, married, phenomenal woman on Saturday on and she was open enough to say that she made the first move. I had to be quite blunt and ask why? Didn’t she feel scared of the repercussions? Her answer was simply NO! Why should she wait for a man to get up the gumption to say hi when she can say hi and push things along. Now, that is courage! To be quite frank, it seems to have worked for them – they have lasted longer than the conventional two years that I give most African marriages in the diaspora and they are going on strong. Why should the chase only be for men? Please, I will rather not read the analogy of the lion and the lamb. I have never really liked being likened to a lamb, goat, dove, chicken or turkey and I am sure most women will agree with me here.
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Now my question to you guys and gals – who was the aggressor in your relationship (past or present)? How was it? For men, how will you feel if a woman chased you, will you classify her as desperate or as someone that knows what she wants?
Personally, my take is this: the rules have changed so much in African dating and relationships that who should do the chasing and who should be courted MIGHT also need to change with the times. What do you think?
Have Your Say?
Till next week,
Pammy.
Posted by Pamela Stitch
on September 14, 2008. Filed under Zweli Lunga's Blog.
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