The MDC May Be Gay….
First the firm I slave for like a Zimbabwean civil servant had the audacity of winning an international award for being the gayest workplace in the world. I know I am prone to exaggerating issues just for the sake of it but you have to trust me on this one, I work for one of these international firms whose name is a global brand. Only a few weeks ago some organisation of gays involved in business somewhere in America singled it out as the safest and most accommodating firm for gays and handed it an award just like that. Some white guys in America representing the brand accepted in on behalf of the rest of us!
The powers-that-be went on to post the fact that we won that such a prestigious award on our firm’s website for every gay and straight person out there to note as if we won a Nobel Peace Prize or something. Now I do not even tell people where I work, just in case the Gays and Lesbians of Zimbabwe (GALZ) got wind of it and recommended my firm as an employer of choice and I would have to deal with unemployed and destitute homosexuals looking to get with me to enhance their employment prospects.
Then just last week when I was reading Martin Meredith’s Mugabe: Power, Plunder and the Struggle for Zimbabwe it turns out he devoted significant space to Bob’s well documented and often quoted remarks on the “gay community”. According to Meredith (who happens to be white and therefore possibly gay – you know how white people get), Bob’s lashing out at men who take it up the coat whether openly or on the down low is one of the many reasons why the West will not hang out with him. You might remember back in ’95 GALZ attempted to invade the Zimbabwe International Book Fair riding on the back of the usual “human rights” excuse and Bob would have none of it. He proceeded to have the militia let loose on GALZ’s stand at the book fair and delivered a “blistering attack” (in Meredith’s own words) on gays the world over.
Bob’s reasoning being if Zimbabwe were to let GALZ have its way with us and be allowed to distribute literature on how its alright for our grown men to kiss other men then how would we have the guts to stand up against drug addicts and those prone to bestiality? People might creep out of the dark and start claiming their right to shag goats and sheep, some sick puppies just like abusing this human rights thing. Some seventy US congressmen tried to intervene on behalf of GALZ and were told to mind their own gayness. I believe there was even a call for all patriotic Zimbos to help the police “root out the evil” that is homosexuality.
As if all the above was not enough only last Sunday I woke up at the crack of noon to a Radio Zimbabwe talkshow about of all things – the growing wave of homosexuality in young Zimbabweans. Apparently the gay thing has been spreading at the same rate as poverty in Zim, I should have known, it probably explains the increasing number of young boys you see at Avondale Shopping Centre rocking tight pink, green and peach denims nodding to Lady Gaga’s music on their i-pods. I should approach one of these UN organizations to fund my research on the on the link between economic crises in Highly Indebted Poor Countries (HIPC’s) and homosexuality, I could be onto something here you guys already know I am Zimbabwe’s leading intellectual-cum-blogger.
Calling into the radio show a lot of Zimbos stated that they were either comfortably gay or knew a gay someone but none offered credible reasons why the practice was spreading especially in the youth. Methinks it has to do with the fact that most youths are unemployed and are obviously too idle and you can only watch so many episodes of News Hour on ZTV before your mind wonders elsewhere. Some were enraged enough to call for public executions of gays and a few encouraged the nation to let them be since each man and woman had freedom to choose who they wanted to bed including the right to bed cattle and any such other animals they find attractive.
I am not worried at all if Zimbo men decide to be gay it means more women for me, but what is annoying is the news that young women are also buying into the whole gay trend as well. If a lot of women turned gay one of the last mainstays of true manliness – polygamy – could die paving way for downright gayness in the whole nation.
I almost choked on my first Shake Shake (yes I even have them on Sundays, get used to it) and spilt a considerable amount on the floor which is quite tragic considering one Shake Shake will set you back a good 60 or so cents (US cents that is). That happens to be a lot of money if you make a living working for a gay firm like me and then have to spend considerable time writing blogs about it on the internet.
But then it got me thinking, whilst Zanu PF’s position regarding the gay rights issue is on record, the MDC has not laid it out its stance on the issue at all. I am seriously worried the MDC may be gay after all. It could be one of the reasons why Gordon Brown will only hang out with Tsvangson rather than old Bob if Martin Meredith is to be taken seriously. Guseni was educated by the Americans and you know how Zimbos who have gone through the American education system tend to be “open minded” a lot! I do not mean to imply that Tsvangson and Guseni are in the closet but the load of donor money the MDC has enjoyed over the years could have been given out on the basis of them guaranteeing “gay rights” in the “new Zimbabwe”.
I was going to leave it at that but then I noticed that Thokhozani Khuphe and Evelyn Masaiti’s heads always sport hairstyles that look like Tongai Moyo’s “box cut” rather than weaves and 100% human hairpieces like normal women do. I have been to MDC rallies where Evelyn Masaiti has addressed crowds on matters of national importance in size 12 Air Jordan Nikees. It could be how the MDC wants our women to look like – like men!
Then again, how come we haven’t had at least one public sex scandal involving a straight MDC woman and a straight MDC dude? It makes me suspicious, nothing confirms the straightness of a male politician and by extension his political ideology as a scandal involving a loose woman. Look at Bill Clinton, Elliot Spitzer, John F. Kennedy, Jacob Zuma and even – His Excellency, Commander-in-chief of the Zimbabwe Defence Forces, Head of State and Government and the First Secretary of Zanu (PF) – they have put this timeless political tactic to great use!!
If MDC women can look like men and still be elected to public office who knows men might want to look like women and still be taken seriously. Some of you would say there are better and more serious issues to be talking about, but when we have a young generation that is fast turning out to be ultra-gay and a popular political party that won’t state its position on the issue, if that is not serious enough I fail to see if anything can be.
Posted by Tonderayi Makombe
on November 27, 2009. Filed under Music.
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