Porn Is Not An Aphrodisaic!
Pammy's Blog
August 26, 2008 | By Pamela Stitch | © zimbabwemetro.com ⋅
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I have often wondered where that line between being naive and worldly lies. Does it lie in the way I hold myself or the actions that I take? Last night, I got a chance to tell one of my stories to a friend of mine, after laughing his head off at my naivety and calling me a bush girl - he then proceeded to tell me that the material was an aphrodisiac and that I should have felt worked up to perform. Unfortunately, I do not agree but let me tell my story.
My story begins in New York, I had met a guy who I felt was very nice and we had been talking and hanging out for a while. One day, on our way to an event, he forgets (yes, men you can groan - I was naive!) something in his house and he has to go back to pick it up. Being ever curious, I followed him into his apartment because I wanted to find out how he lives and for women who can, we know that a man’s apartment tells us a LOT about him and what he holds dear.
Upon, getting into his apartment, he goes into his room to look for what he ‘forgot’ while I go into his living room. He comes out of his bedroom with a movie in his hand and tells me that I really have to watch this great movie. He puts in a porn flick and sits next to me. I screamed and jumped up from the seat!
“What the heck?. Why are you putting that on?” I shouted.
He laughed.
“come on, isn’t this turning you on?” he says, as he pulls me down to the seat and starts working on my ears. At that moment, I started hearing, “talk to me daddy” and of course the corresponding groans! I was in shock and pissed off because this guy felt that like chocolate is to a woman, porn is supposed to be my aphrodisiac. Porn is supposed to get me ready for him. I was so pissed off that I stormed out of the house and that was the end of that.
But, I have told this story to several people because I want to be in the know. What exactly should be my appropriate behavior if such a thing should occur again? I have often gotten conflicting responses to how I should have behaved. Some of my answers have ranged from, “you did the right thing walking off” to “wow, you should have stayed and enjoyed the moment”. Most men, seem to agree with my friend who states that porn is supposed to turn both partners on and I should have sat it through.
But my question really is: doesn’t it depend on your partner? Isn’t it quite telling of a guy’s selfishness if he doesn’t know the kind of woman he’s with before introducing an aphrodisiac? Basically, I will like to know - is Porn an aphrodisiac? Am I a big baby? :-(!!
Hi there,
I looked over your blog and it looks really good. Do you ever do link exchanges on your blog roll? If you do, I’d like to exchange links with you.
Let me know if you’re interested.
Thanks..
WAT ARE U UP TO MY FRIEND, STOP IT
Men approach sex in completely different manner to that used by women. Some men just haven’t figured out that the reason why women often want foreplay and sweet nothings whispered in their ears is because that is how they get turned on. Men, on the other hand, can get turned on by a strong breeze. This is kind of related to the previous topic about lingerie - seriously victoria secrets can be an over-kill for men because it doesn’t take much for us to get ready for sex.
Those men or women who are considered to be good in bed have simply figured out how to please their partner. Figuring out how to please your partner involves understanding the opposite sex and what makes them hot [or cold]. The guy who showed you the porn flick probably gets aroused when ever he watches that particular movie so he assumed that you would also get aroused. I don’t think it was a personal affront or that he was trying to degrade you in any way. He should have been more diligent in trying to figure out what gets you going. Some guys are clumsy when it comes to making the first move towards sex so they really don’t how to seduce a woman or convince her to get into bed. On the same token, you should try to understand that it was his neanderthal way of letting you know that he would really love to get down and dirty with you. That means he thinks you are hot.
Perhaps Pammy you can give us some hints as to how we (men) can :
1) convince a woman to come over to our place without having to lie about forgetting something.
2) initiate sex for the first time - initiate it in a respectful, seductive manner that wont send the woman bolting out of the house.
Honestly, Porn can be a good teacher, an aphrodisiac and everything in between. The issue is knowing when to let it out or keep it in. The guy shouldn’t have brought out his porn collection till he figured out what kind of person you are. Personally, he might have been after a booty call and some sex, it had nothing to do with if he likes you or not. Men are such strange creatures. Now, Pamela be honest, if let’s say, he was the right guy and you were in the right mood - would you have given it up?
Porn and its use in relationships is very relevant. Though, I wrote this piece for entertainment purposes primarily but it does bring up some interesting issues. How much does Porn play in your relationship? Some men claim they never watch it, while some men that I have spoken with have been open about its use in their relationship. Some claim that its taught them a lot about pleasing with a woman.
Another question is when is it right to bring out, this ‘dirty’ secret. (Dirty is relative).
Personally, I felt and I still feel that he showed poor judgement in what he did but maybe he wanted to jump start the process and literally get it on.
Now, that said - someone asked if it was the right person would I have given it up? LOL!! well, that is for me to know and for the right person to find out.
Mumewo: If I tell you all these things that you seek, then I will be putting a lot of innocent victims out there. LOL! I will advise that you work for it!
Pammy
Any man who denies watching porn is a liar.
Porn is an aphrodisiac……………..but with a partner you’ve been seeing for a while. What that guy did was pretty lame, I’ve heard about guys like him who try and whip out the porn on the first attempt at seduction. I’ve found girls need to be comfortable to watch porn with their guy, it’d be a woman of ill repute would do the nasty for the first time with a guy under those circumstances.
Pammy unenge unonyepawo futi iwewe- kutiza porn!?lol
oh really Ndanakirwa??
Pammy, I strongly believe that the reason why you walked out of that man’s house was to do with personal ego not that you weren’t prepared to see the porn.
This sexer to be mis-timed and he got nothing at the end of the day. Had it been that you had been going out for some time and you have been hitting it several times, you could have felt comfortable with watching it.
Facts are stubborn!!!
Whether you stormed out or not only yourself knows the truth?? Porn is no good. For starters the male porn stars are hugely endowed and they can go on and on and on which no normal can do. This guy should find you arousing not porn but lets accept that we are all different. I understand there are some men who get aroused through hard lashing, the Sharia way others thru methods sickening to write on this blog
Gitutu: so you believe that porn is an aphrodisiac then. Have you ever pulled that move? Did it work for you?
matibili: so do you use it as an aphrodisiac?
Yes Pammy, I believe that but like what Matibili has said, people are different and it also depends on which one of your five senses is weaker.
I have a weakness in the sense of sight whilst some beings are turned on by little pricklings by opposite sex mates(touch sense).
Goodday.
Porn aint an aphro. But Pammy unonyepawo futi. Wakatiza nekuti ainge aine zihombe
pamela how many times must i remind you?muflat memurume (murume chaiye seni) hamupindwe kana usina kuzvipira kukwirwa naye.wakasangana nabharanzi pammy.
hazviitwe saizvozvo.there are guys who will try druging or getting you drunk and all those stupid corners.such are people with no sexual value.kana mukadzi haanzwe achida zvakadaro.
a real man gets a woman interested by what he does and says to her.the art is in knowing what she loves to hear and say it.zve porn izvi is childish and very naive.kana newe pammy how could you?dont play nemafuza kani.
vakadzi vanotosemeswa neporn normally.your behaviour was not unique its exactly how most girls would behave.as for me ndinowacha porn kana ndashaya wekukwira and most cases haina zvainondiita.i just watch khule vakatorara zvavo mubhurukwa .haitombomiri kana.inotozoti pauya munhu ndopoyomuka.porn inongovaraidza but kwete kuti tingatoonekwa tichichemera kukwira because taona porn.dont worry ,just feel like a fish that escaped some idiot’s nets
u dd wel gal to run away. keep it up. not all men like porn as has been mentioned above. speak for you depraved self.
Pammy
The reason you run away is not that you did not like it, but it was the situation that caused you to run away. If the guy was to invite you to his house, eat diner in his house several times untill you are comfortable with him, trust me, you were going to accept and watch it.
I actually think its a fake story becaz only an insane man can put a porn for a girl you just met, when you are on your way out to go some where? Unless if he is Nigerian becaz I know they think Zimbabwean women can do anything for money and food.
Unfortunately Enock it is a true story and No, he wasn’t Nigerian.
wilkins: LOL!!!
Lucas: I was too trusting at that time….that is my only excuse!
ketai: I didn’t get a chance to see it - so I do not know…
this man used the wrong net to catch the fish becoz the net was fake[porn] he was also fake the only real thing was u girly thanx for yr response [ u have learned my laws well there for l will give u a farm]
There is nothimg wrong for patners to watch porn but not for those who have just meet,i did not blame you escaping that gentlemen.
Pammy nyaya yako ndeyekunyepa!
PAMMY…PAMMY… PAMMY…!!!
This story inenge yekunyeba.It was very juicy indeed up to the moment you say you left. Kumwe kwese uku kwekutanga inigona kunge iri chokwadi asi kumberi uko, iDVD rakaskr****ka saka hapana chataoneswa.
Abel, after all you are also human..inga Zanu nevanhu vayo shuwa.
The reason for thinking watinyepera is that it is very rare for a guy to invite you into a place expecting leg-spreading without some degree of belief kuti chichatsva nhasi. Saka this dude coming up with stuff like forgetting something in his house and then finding that something sounds rather odd or aitadza kunyepa and things hadn’t quite progressed in the relationship as far as he thot/hoped they had. Ko akadii kungokudhakwisa??? Some mothers dod have them chokwadi! “Forgot something in my house!” Seka hako Keti iwe!!!
PAMMY
WAKA****HWA NE**** HERE?
KANA IRI MUBEPA ZVAYO
WAKAFANIRA KUNAKA- MUDYANDAKASUNGWA MWANA IWE!
URI AFRO-DISIAK IWE!
PAMMY
WAKA MBO R O HWA NE N YO RO ?
KUKWIRA NDIZVO MANJE IGAME YANGU
KU K WI RA
First: men tell all kinds of lies to get a woman into their house. He might have been turned on by her naivety. He might have believed that she is open minded enough to enjoy the porn…who knows??
Pamela admitted that it was a long time ago, that she was naive and probably too trusting.
Now, for those who are on a blood hunt - how many lies have you told to get a woman to come into your apartement, some for nefarious purposes, others to show her that you have made it so she will be more willing to let go of the panties….tell the truth.
ooweeee was here
Pammy, pse be nice and answer JOC’s dilemna…
Pammy
Kutiza kwawakaita its not good.you should have stayed a little longer and tell him wat you were expecting from him.The main peoblem is you used to hang around zvinozonetsa kukumbira nenzira yawaitarisira.never set a protocol yokukumbirwa **** nayo.We are different vamwe havanyatsogona kutaura.Plus vakadziwo munonyanya kuattracter attention yevarume as if you ready kukwirwa zviri agent ofcourse munenge muchida but you dont want to give yourself so easy.but kukwirwa kukwira nhasi mangwana next year
okay…enough already..,.you guys are moving from my question to Pammy this and Pammy that. Personally, I think it is wrong for men to assume that when a woman visits his/her house - it has to equate to sex neither do I believe that my hanging out with him so much, means that if I follow him into his apartment because he forgot something, I have to give up anything or I have to watch some porn.
What attention did I attract??
Joc: I am thinking of a nice way to respond to your ‘questions”
Hi…
Well..i’m a guy writing this and in my opinion you did the right thing. Smart guys do not whip out porn in the company of a woman and think it’ll turn her on!! Especially if you’re trying to impress her and she’s at your place for the first time! You don’t do it! Ever!
On the issue of porn being an aphrodisiac, that i’m afraid in my opinion is an individual thing. As a guy i definitely get turned on by porn if its porn of my particular taste. I would NEVER invite a girl and then watch with her. You can only do that if you’re a tight couple and have both agreed that this is what you want to do.
Folks let’s try to keep the forum stable and beyond personal references. Severeal Zimbo websites have collapsed because of people getting too personal or for some reason, trying to bonk or get bonked by the site owners/writers etc. Let’s just try to maintain some sanity. Keep Pammy as the moderator and argue around the topic and not kuedza kuda kumubhaudha when you can obviously bhaudha wherever you are.Besides ane mukomana
Thank You Ketai and Ray (hmm, do I know you??) for bringing some sanity into this joint.
Ray, I agree…I think you should watch porn with your partner only if you are comfortable …..
Pammy
Do not do it again sweetie, I can harm anybody who do that to you again.
VARUME, PORN IS DESIGNED FOR MEN, ROMANCE FOR WOMEN. HOW CAN YOU EXPECT TO STIMULATE A WOMAN WITH PORN? WHAT’S THE HURRY? TAKE IT NICE AND SLOW WITH WOMEN. WHY BE SO SELFISH? KANA YAKO ICHIMIRA IN 2 MINUTES, YOFA IN 10 MINUTES, THAT DOES NOT MEAN ITS THE SAME CASE WITH WOMEN!
i think everything was said above. though the guy may have been truly interested in you, the fact remains HE WAS TOO HUNGRY n couldn’t wait for the right time for you to feel comfortable with him esp around sex issues. he lacked the necessary first time strategy, may be he successfully used the same strategy previously but don’t think it can work for any woman even when she is dripping wet achida kukwirwa zvinotongorwadza kuti wanyanyomhanyawo muface. Basically men’s sexually feeling is driven by sight, ndikaona madzva akanyatsotsvukira paPony inotomira chete for a normal man who doesn’t over indulge in pony. For ladies the sense of touch dominates in which case some soft light touch to begin with takes her down the river of pleasure. ganyabvu or violence or kubvuta pissy them off. The same applies to sight, it doesn’t do much to ladies in which case timing in very significant. For man, touch only follows the dominant sight sense. i remember visiting lap dancers/pole dancers or strippers one friday night, the sensual pleasure was indescribable throughout the night yet women were feeling good cozy of seeing wide smiles on men’s faces. Imagine this scenario varume vombokururawo mabhurugwa avo toti ladies come and have pleasure watching men in that state??? its weird handi havambozvida kuzviona vasikana izvozvo kudai tichipfekawoka small shorts if that could turn ladies on!
In conclusion, ladies simply prefer all sorts of heavenly fantasies and appreciation of all the efforts she put in making herself better n attractive then you precede to pretend to be nice if you are a bad boy unopiwa chete.
Pammy the purpose of this blog also i think is to educate each other in which case you should answer some questions above. we want sex to be more pleasurable not to be ignorant when there is a chance to improve ourselves. There shouldn’t be anything like taking advantage because we both want sex should feel confident n good tangobva mukukwirana ipapo. we should move forward maZimba amaphe tinakirwe nezviri pakati pemakumbo izvi!
I am a bloke and i think you did the right thing.He should never presuimed that you like it unless u you had hinted that fact to him,not everyone as you demonstrated is into it.Its a kinda of a very old school trick that is so *80s if i might say,i think the brother thought it would work!
It made some interesting reading,Keep up the bloggs
Pammy I find your story very interesting. You were curious right? Do you know what they say about curious people? Can you really blame the guy? He wanted to get you in the house and you sure got in the house and you were still curious weren’t you? I think what you said was you wanted to know what he holds dear? Don’t you think that if you were to leave without the house without your porn part of the story you were leaving the house in the thick cloud of darkness about the man you had dated for a while like you said? You couldn’t stomach the porn but were you really into this guy? If you were really curious, I don’t think your curiousity ended when you saw the porn I think that was the beginning of your findings. Just share what happened, we won’t judge you, you were two adults. You probably had deeper conversations about sex before that porn incident.
Haiwa nyaya yaPammy haisiri hayo yechokwadi kungot awane zvekunyora. Actually she had it from a friend nekuti hapana pawaizongotevera kumba kwemurume akanganwa something.
I like the discussion as long as you are not asking Pammy some personal questions. I am a man and I don’t think I can sit with my girlfriend or wife watching a porn movie. Vanoita fiction iri too much otherwise I rather photograph myself than watching a man with different women making some fictitious kwiro.
Pam from my understanding you should not have followed the guy back to his house. Maybe he used “i forgot something’ because he knew that you had shown him “”signs” that you wanted to have sex with him. Maybe this guy was already “high” when you met him and it was the way you were dressed, the manner in which you responded to him that led him to say i forgot something because he knew you would follow him dear.
A gentleman will always ask if it is possible to do something, but if you find that men just do things its “we” women who push men to do certain things. If you send a signal that “you want something” you will definitely “get something”, but if you are not interested he will pick it up right from the onset that you are not interested.
So next time ladies watch out for situations like these. If you want porn and its there you are in for a big showdown, get ready to get busy all the way home. Sex will be your main meal. If you are not interested dont be at the wrong place at the right time!
Cheers
Guys : thanks for all the nice comments that some of you put on this page. I really appreciate it. Some of you were quite protective..thanks again for that…
But, I still do not believe that hinting on anything equates to making someone watch porn. I think that whole mentality comes from the idea that if a woman gets raped - she asked for it.
The move he pulled was foul. He shouldn’t have done that. For someone, who enjoys reading between the line, it smells of pure selfishness.
I respect your opinion because its based on your reaction on that day. But your response that you tell us should not be an assumed umbrella response for everyone. One needs to get to know much much more about the person that you are dealing with before you leap into such regretable and precarious decisions. Very few men would jump into such action from nowhere resulting in such regretable and disasterous bruising of a relationship of your kind. Therefore the guy had a hint on your interests from your previous discussions. The guy gathered several pieces and linked them to somethings that would switch on your sex-switches. A mistake can be made but few guys would miss the target considering the period a relationship has stretched.
Here’s my question because porn is like the far side of all the residue we are bombarded by in our commercial world its like the Enquirer magazine on some levels. My only real problem with porn is that a lot of people get damaged by the money making end of things and people seem to loose out on long-term real connection. It also seems to put alot of pressure on men so that as they get older it is harder to maintain confidence and dignity so that they often just become grumpy and bitter. My question is this: Most men say things similar to Mumwewo’s comment, that men get turned on by a breeze, but if that is true why do they need porn? My next question is what people think about the idea that watching porn can dull your sexual sensitivity making it harder and harder to get stimulated without more or without your partner acting out what you’ve been stimulated by that has nothing to do with them - decreasing intimacy because you’ve created this need that is stimulated artificially by images of other people. I have experienced this dulling phenomenon myself and I am a woman sooooo just curious what others think about it.
lets be honest pam. ive been doing criminal law for 4 years and your story is fake esp pakuti “he fogort something”….unspeficied, then you gave reason (wanted to see how he lives)… then you sat down poiswa porn or yakaiswa wen you were standing up? u had already sat down but fact it u gave yourself reason. zimbabwe women love giving sex onlyif they feel they havent prostituted themselves. if you call a prostitut we mu road the shona equivalent in a demeaning way chances are she wont sleep with you. enda america uone. pam u r the typical zim chick, probably wakazokwirwa next day but of course ud have watched. dont insult your readers intellingence