How Much Of Your Past Should You Reveal To Your Partner
So the other day – I decided to go blog hopping to find out what bloggers were talking about and I came across a blog that got me really thinking about relationships and pasts. Basically, this female blogger was trying to decide if she should tell her fiance of what she used to do when she was younger. Alright, I know I have lost some of you guys by now, so let me start all over with the abridged version of the blog post:
“I will be getting married in three (3) months and I am very worried. I really do not know if I should say anything or not and pray that everything works out but every time I am with my fiancee – I realize that I am living a lie and the life we have can be broken by someone saying a word. In the past – I was what one will consider a fast girl. I partied hard, studied hard and had a lot of fun around campus. I remember the day my best friend told me some new guys from the states was in town and that if we went to ‘meet’ them we will get paid in dollars. Of course, I had to go and I have to admit that was the best sex I ever had. But now, more than ten years after – that experience is coming back to haunt me. I am now a Christian, an accomplished career woman in the United States, engaged to the love of my life and have just found out that the guy I slept with more than ten years ago is my fiancee eldest brother. I know one day he will put two and two together, and I wonder will he say anything to my fiancee. I am scared. What do I do? Do I tell my fiancee the truth and stand the chance of loosing him or should I hope that he never remembers and the truth never comes out?”
Upon reading the blog – of course, I was saddened. Everyone has made mistakes in the past particularly in their younger or dating lives but I have often wondered, “should we be punished for our past mistakes and most importantly do we have to take these mistakes and basically report ourselves to people important in our lives? “. I have to say I do not know. There are several pros to letting your significant other know your pasts: a) he/she knows what circumstances are the building blocks to who you are right now. b) You cannot be black mailed by your past? Therefore, you do not have to live in fear. c)You know where that person stands with you. Can they handle your past? Will they be able to handle other issues that crop up during the relationship?
Of course, the major con is that a) the person cannot handle your past, will leave you and probably tell others about that.
So, it comes down to an individual decision. Personally, I have learnt the hard way, that the less people know about you, the longer your relationship tends to last. Basically, don’t spill all your beans. Keep some information to yourself.
But, the question comes down to you:
a)Will you tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth to your partner?
Posted by Pamela Stitch
on June 19, 2009. Filed under Zweli Lunga's Blog.
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