This is a serious “Sketch”. It was first issued by Zimbabwe Democracy Now. Support them if possible.
It is an analysis of Mr Moyo’s past statements and compares them to what actually is true.

Jonathan Moyo was last week re-admitted into Zanu-PF, and the move appears to have given our favourite political chameleon even more incentive to do what he does best: spread lies. In his latest column for Zimbabwe’s Sunday Mail, he accuses Finance Minister Tendai Biti of “dangerous treachery” and of trying to “destroy” the government. So we couldn’t resist: We have made our own polygraph. Here are his lies, and the accompanying truth.

The Lie

Zimbabwe is not a “poor little struggling failed state”

The Reality

Let’s break that sentence down, shall we?

“Poor”: Zimbabwe is approximately $5.7 billion in debt; it’s the first country in the 21st century to hyper-inflate; and more than 85% of the population lives below the Poverty Datum Line (PDL)

“Little”: Well, it’s not exactly big. At 390,000 square kilometres, it’s 829,090 square kilometres smaller than its neighbour South Africa. And if we’re talking little in terms of population size, well it’s certainly become exceedingly little in the past ten years. In 2000, the population was around 13 million. Now it’s around 7 million, the majority having fled to South Africa.

“Struggling failed state”: Hyperinflation; massive debt; rampant unemployment; frequent cholera epidemics; overcrowded, disease-ridden prisons; a collapsed education system…the list goes on. That is Moyo’s idea of a successful state?

The Lie

Biti is calling Zimbabwe a “poor little struggling failed state”

The Reality

Minister Biti is not calling Zimbabwe a “failed state.” He is instead proposing to apply for debt relief under the World Bank’s HIPC (Heavily Indebted Poor Country) status facility. With it’s massive debt, Zimbabwe can be classified as this. Mozambique took the HIPC route in 1998 to great success, and the same could be true for Zimbabwe. But Moyo and Zanu-PF don’t want the world to see the extent of their failure, corruption and greed.

The Lie

Biti is a “pliable sellout”

The Reality

Jonathan Moyo is a pliable sell-out

The Lie

His tired mantra that foreign lending institutions, NGO’s and the MDC are all plotting to overthrow the current regime

The Reality

They are struggling for democracy, rule of law, and a respect for the constitution-making process, which are all in sorely lacking in Zimbabwe. But the Zanu PF branch of government does not respect these basics of a functional society, and that is what these organizations and the MDC are trying to put in place.

The Lie

Regime change is evil and not welcomed by most Zimbabweans

The Reality

Uh.., J.M., we know that most of your time is spent plotting how next to puzzle us with your erratic political moves, but seriously, where have you been? In the face of intimidation, ballot-rigging and violence, the Zimbabwean people, your people, voted overwhelmingly for regime change in last year’s elections. They wanted it, and still do. It’s no fun being unemployed (94% of the population), starving (50% at risk) and knowing that you most likely won’t live past the age of 35 years (the average life expectancy). Because that is the reality for most Zimbabweans, so you’re a tad off mark with that statement.

The Lie

The MDC is running a parallel government with the help of foreign lending institutions

The Reality

A completely unfounded allegation, with no evidence to support it. If anyone is trying to run a parallel government, it’s Moyo and his party of the moment Zanu PF. Here’s why: By spreading hate speech, Moyo aims to divide the inclusive government by maligning ministers and officials; Zanu’s refusal to integrate the MDC as completely as the GPA outlined; the daily battles to allow the MDC to participate fully as a governing partner; Chinamasa’s recent withdrawal from the SADC tribunal without cabinet approval. Also, foreign lending institutions have refused to deliver on funding unless the unity government makes more progress, so the MDC actually has an incentive to be more fully part of the government, not less.

The Lie

Biti is guilty of hate speech

The Reality

Well if anyone could recognize hate speech, it’s our favourite hate-monger J.M. He’s guilty of hate speech in this very column, making generous use of derogatory terms when accusing Biti of…hate speech. The irony is hard to miss.

The Lie

Punctuation, particularly the full stop, is unnecessary and bothersome, as shown in the first paragraph of Moyo’s most recent column: “The saying that when things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something summarises the mood of Zimbabweans who, while hoping the new political dispensation and economic revival will get better, fear that their optimism overlooks the danger that the policy treachery of Finance Minister Tendai Biti could plunge the country back into the abyss unless something is done to expose him and his external regime-change handlers who are busy setting up a parallel government in Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai’s office via a web of subversive NGOs.”

The Reality

Can we breathe yet? We like the full stop. It’s important, and necessary if you want your sentence to make sense. Although even with full stops, Moyo would still confuse us.

The Lie

It is okay to abuse the English language

The Reality

It is not okay (albeit highly amusing) to use inappropriate or juvenile adjectives like “malicious footprint”, “creepy distinction” or “weird” standards. J.M., you’re a grown man, not a ten-year-old.

Reading this week on the Lie-O-Meter: 8 out of 10. Well done Mr. Moyo, we reckon you have earned your salary and privileges with this one!