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So the other day – I decided to go blog hopping to find out what bloggers were talking about and I came across a blog that got me really thinking about relationships and pasts. Basically, this female blogger was trying to decide if she should tell her fiance of what she used to do when she was younger. Alright, I know I have lost some of you guys by now, so let me start all over with the abridged version of the blog post:
“I will be getting married in three (3) months and I am very worried. I really do not know if I should say anything or not and pray that everything works out but every time I am with my fiancee – I realize that I am living a lie and the life we have can be broken by someone saying a word. In the past – I was what one will consider a fast girl. I partied hard, studied hard and had a lot of fun around campus. I remember the day my best friend told me some new guys from the states was in town and that if we went to ‘meet’ them we will get paid in dollars. Of course, I had to go and I have to admit that was the best sex I ever had. But now, more than ten years after – that experience is coming back to haunt me. I am now a Christian, an accomplished career woman in the United States, engaged to the love of my life and have just found out that the guy I slept with more than ten years ago is my fiancee eldest brother. I know one day he will put two and two together, and I wonder will he say anything to my fiancee. I am scared. What do I do? Do I tell my fiancee the truth and stand the chance of loosing him or should I hope that he never remembers and the truth never comes out?”
Upon reading the blog – of course, I was saddened. Everyone has made mistakes in the past particularly in their younger or dating lives but I have often wondered, “should we be punished for our past mistakes and most importantly do we have to take these mistakes and basically report ourselves to people important in our lives? “. I have to say I do not know. There are several pros to letting your significant other know your pasts: a) he/she knows what circumstances are the building blocks to who you are right now. b) You cannot be black mailed by your past? Therefore, you do not have to live in fear. c)You know where that person stands with you. Can they handle your past? Will they be able to handle other issues that crop up during the relationship?
Of course, the major con is that a) the person cannot handle your past, will leave you and probably tell others about that.
So, it comes down to an individual decision. Personally, I have learnt the hard way, that the less people know about you, the longer your relationship tends to last. Basically, don’t spill all your beans. Keep some information to yourself.
But, the question comes down to you:
a)Will you tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth to your partner?
Nooooooo, there is nothing like that…Keep your most sacred ghosts to yourself.
I remember this other beautiful gal I once dated. When I was taking her to my place for sum ‘funny’ she told me she had been raped twice,and the latest was bout six months ago. That was good confession on her side but it killed all my ego. I never had funny with her and eventually just treated her like a friend.
Imagine pammy,I’m your bf and I tell you I was diagonised of an STI two years ago??
Some skeletons are so sacred that you don’t wana even tel your ****!(eg like sleeping with your cousin). You have to be extra careful with what you say in a relationship if you want it to be a long term. I will put my monye: If you tell me you had a nasty episode with my brother/cousin ten years ago,I will not like it!
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Nooooooo, there is nothing like that…Keep your most sacred ghosts to yourself.
I remember this other beautiful gal I once dated. When I was taking her to my place for sum ‘funny’ she told me she had been raped twice,and the latest was bout six months ago. That was good confession on her side but it killed all my ego. I never had funny with her and eventually just treated her like a friend.
Imagine pammy,I’m your bf and I tell you I was diagonised of an STI two years ago??
Some skeletons are so sacred that you don’t wana even tel your ****!(eg like sleeping with your cousin). You have to be extra careful with what you say in a relationship if you want it to be a long term. I will put my monye: If you tell me you had a nasty episode with my brother/cousin ten years ago,I will not like it!
OH! You‘re my new favorite blogger fyi
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The ideal is to have no secrets between marriage partners. However there has to be a balance. Its not necessary to reveal EVERY secret. However you may lose your partner’s trust if they discover something they feel they should have been told. Whilst love is enduring, trust is such a fragile thing. The issue then is deciding what is vital to be revealed and what is not essential to be revealed.
In the case alluded to, the fact that the person is now a Christian makes the chances that the 10 year ago matter will be revealed a lot higher. It so happens that non-Christians “get away with murder” so easily, but for a Christian they get found out even in the littlest of misdemeanors.It is important to know how far your partner (esp. the man) is willing to forgive in the process of courtship. If they are a type not willing or cannot forgive they are not the best candidate for marriage.For the christian it is better to stay single longer looking for the right partner than jump into marriage and
later seeking ways to come out.
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Pammy, Pammy, Pammy
Absolutely nothing, past is past and if you love me for me, lets look to the future rather than summarizing my past.
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are you guys sure?this marriage is doomed for as long as the poor guy walks into it blind.tell the truth then mwana wevanhu makes decisions based on that truth.why hide the pastness of the past is just in that ‘this is what i did and i doit nomore,’ not that i cant talk about my past,thats bad. i would end the relationship as soon as i found out you hid anything because i would have told you all.
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the girl told me her ex used her for ritual to make money……i ran away.
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popiro plsssssssss….
I don’t think she needs to share this information with her ex.
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about her ex or her past life…
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honestly i would like to agree with chngunashe on this one.when people fall in love they need to be open with each other unless kana zviri kudanana kwechi****.you need to know one another to the point of even knowing who you went out with.kana asingadi kukutora under those circumstances let him decide and go.any man or woman must be given a chance to make his decisions based on correct information.if she told me she was a prostitute and has layed hundreds of men the question of forgiveness should lie with me.i should be the one to decide if i still love her in the circumstancies.its much better than starting to hear rumours or some bits of info later in life.secrets are difficult to hold down.pamela,let me advise you now and for all.if you are hoping for a lasting relationship or marriage then tell him as much as he wants to know.same goes for men.if she wants to know tell her all.let her make decisions based on complete truth
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As a christian the truth of whether to tell or not tell should not be a question.
As chritians we believe that there are consequences for sin weather we did the sin knowingly or unknowingly, even when we reform, we should be repentent of our sin and be prepared to face the consequences of our sins.
the truth indeed shall set people free
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Your past indirectly has come back to haunt you although you‘re repentant. Young lady you should talk to your fiance about it. Presently you‘re a chirstian and God forgave your sin but you need to clear this with your fiance. If your fiance is rational about this considering it’s your past; he should forgive and respect you for being open about your past.
After all these tips, etc you should pray about this and ask God to be in control of your situation when you tell your fiance the truth. It’s better you tell him before his brother does.
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ukandiudza chokwadi chinogwadza muchato unopera. zvimwe haziiti kungotaura pose pose.ungaudza mumwe wako kuti mukuru wemusangano wakati muuraye vanhu? ko ukatengeswa.mukadzi kana mururme haaudzwe zvakaitika asipo kana musiri mose.unosungiswa kana kurambwa.
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NEVER EVER REVEAL ALL YOUR PAST, THESE MARRIAGES ARE NEVER TRUSTED THESE DAYS, IT WILL HANUT U IF U BREAK UP
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konke okufunayo
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The moment i will find out something she hadn’t told me before, she will go, Because the relationship wld have been built on false ground. Am sure there is always a way to make a man understand, and its best for the man to know what he bound to meet in future. Kana wafunga kudhonza nyamututa, wotozvipira kudhonza nendove yake, all am saying is love is true and thus whatever is involved in love should be true, Though it is not necessary to say all other nitty gritties, but there are those that will affect the future lay them open. If someone loves you they will not dump because of something that happens when they were not part of your life.
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Pane mumwe akamboti “Keep it tidy”…revealing all leads to all kinds of “untidyness”…Revealing some might be a good/ clever idea coz u wanna share some of the shady-er stuff before some else tells him coz u get to tell the story in your own words…Coz akazoudzwa ne vamwe…iiii ma 1 thousand chaiwo…
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Well her story sound familiar to mine i had brocken up with my long term boyfriend ans was depressd and unemplyed.i was tayin g with my landlord for the past one year and he was trying it on me.after wards i gave in because ha had promised me money and i neded money to see my ex because i was so in love with him.i never got he money and never asked or force him to pay me.bt noe every single day i regret sleeping with him.does it mean i prostituted voz in ,my view prostitution is to be paid for sex and does it mean me and her are or were prostitute because of one event. i advise her to keep her skeletons to her self.
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forgive mr for the errors am using my blackberry and keys a a bit stuck
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