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I remember growing up in Africa, it was quite common to hear mother’s warn their daughters that it was wiser to wait till the wedding night to give it up. The plight of the woman who decides to give it up before her wedding day was stressed as many of these women found themselves either with a bad reputation, pregnant or worse.
Fast forward to the present: it seems that it really isn’t a big deal anymore. I was looking at polls from a couple of blogs, as well as magazines and the range of responses was 64 % to 36%, with 64 % saying that it was important that couples had sex before marriage. I decided to step away from what parents and traditional societies state and try to look at this issue objectively:
Pro:
1) It is important to know what you are getting into before signing a contract that is literally for life (if it works out).
2) A way of creating an emotional bond before marriage.
3) Allows you to be find out if you are sexually compatible with your partner. If not – you find out how open your partner is to trying certain things?
4)practice makes perfect.
5)Ehm……does sex is healthy count???
Cons:
1) Pregnancy
2) STD (Sexually transmitted Diseases)
3) Reputation and the great hypocrisy: We know in African societies (regardless of how modern we claim ours are – the reputation of a woman who isn’t a virgin often times go downhill, the more partners she has but for man the reverse occurs – I personally call this trend, the great hypocrisy).
4)religion: Christianity as well as Islamic religions uphold the virginity principle.
5) spirituality: Most people do not want to accept this idea but sex is a spiritual act – the more partners you have, the more energies you have in your bedroom.
6) ehm….does abstinence is healthy count?
I will end by concluding – it all comes down to you, what ever side of the coin you choose to take. I will end by saying this if you are pro premarital sex, please remember protection is key….
Question for you?
Are you pro or con premarital sex? Why or why not?
For women: What will you do if the guy you were about to marry told you he was a virgin and he will like to wait till the wedding night?
Are there still male virgins??
Till next time,
Pammy
If you had a choice would you have Sex before Marriage
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Pammy, Pammy, Pammy
Here you go again. I like your topics and they always incite me to say something.
For me to tell you the truth, I am on the Pro – side. Why???????
Because getting married a virgin is very good in that you tend to trust each other and you do not have skeletons in the closet. Especially for us as men, it will be a plus to marry a virgin girl because you tend to trust her more, she kind like give you relief and less drama in your marriage.
Let me tell you something about men Pammy. When we marry a women that is not a virgin, we always have these thoughts like how many people did she sleep with? On what position was she laying on? Did she like it better than we are doing it now? All these thoughts come to most men and they will never be comfortable seeing you sitting next to a man even my friend, I will never 100% trust you because I will be having a feeling on the back of my mind on how strong you are to say No to another man. There are times whereby you see a man just being rough to his wife without her doing anything, this is caused by the mistrust because you were married wakabhoorwa which is a no no in our culture.
That is why you see most guys refusing pregnant to most girls because you cannot trust a wife anongopangopa mhani. Have some restrain or something. A body of a woman is supposed to be a temple, even the Bible give so much respect to a woman’s body but when you go around defiling it because we are in the 21 century then be prepared for the worst in your marriage unless if you are quick to reform and really demonstrate to your husband that wakabhoorwa by mistake. Maybe some men will buy it.
Zimbabwean culture say a girl must be married a virgin because it’s a culture whereby a man has to pay lobola. It’s not nice or pleasing to pay so much money like nowadays to a person akaboorwa, noway. In the late 70s, when a girl is not a virgin they used to be told to reduce the amount paid for lobola if the girl was not a virgin. Now we just marry and loss everything. Manje so.
Lastly,when I married my wife she was not a virgin and I am happy with her but the thought of who really take away her virginity bothers me every now and again. Probably her virginity was lost kuna Hwindi(Combi Conductor) and when you visit Zimbabwe the guy laugh on your face without you knowing it. It painful man. For me it bothers me so much. I do not believe that a man should be married a virgin because he has to look for experience in order to deliver appropriately when he get married. I know it’s a stupid belief but I find it fair if lobola is to be paid.
Peace!!!!!!
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Virgins are rare comodities these days.May all the tru virgins stand up and if you married a virgin raise your hand……………ya i thought so.
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I think I will stick to the “no virgin no marriage” policy my mum taught me.lol.Thanks Parks for such wise and strong words(hope your wifey isn’t reading this). Surely its a haunt to have sex with sumone who isn’t a virgin especially if its very intimacy(no condoms). you tend to wonder as a man what happened to her before you brought your small stick.
Imagine paying lobola for a non virgin or worse stil someone with a kid yet you don’t know. And I heard there are special four-tupple lobola prices for the diasporans. Every time I think of it and it haunts me. I will probably not marry a zim.
To you Parks and the likes who are already married and paid those so many cows,work on building a solid relationship than dwelling on past deeds.
In the mean time,if there is any woman who believe she’s a virgin, she can contact me……
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SingleBoy
Thank you so much for the kind words and I will work so hard to eraise it in my mind.
My the Lord our God bless you.
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@singleboy. LOL, hanzi …your small stick.LOL
you made my day.
Marrying a virgin is no guarantee that the one you marry will not get it from someone else. I read this letter from a woman who was married a virgin and was dumped by her husband after six years. She said she never knew what people meant when they said orgasm and her husband wasted 6 years of her life. I suppose thats why we want to marry virgins because we cant stand criticism and cant stand being compared with those big sticks and 30 minute sessions.
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I am for sex AFTER marriage.
Sex is more than than a physical thing. It has a spiritual and soulish element to it. No wonder it is said that man and woman become one after sex whether in or out of marriage. Whether people believe it or not this is the truth. Among the cons mentioned is STD. There is yet another STD which people might not be aware of – Sexually Transmitted Demons! There is no physical protection against this one. Imagine a girl who loses her virginity to a man. This is the only man she has ever slept with.
Suppose this man happens to have had sex with just one other woman before this girl. Suppose the other woman was a prostitute who has had sex with 50 men one of which has had sex with 100 women, one of which was a prostitute “par excellence” who has had sex with a 1000 men…. You do the math. How many entities has the girl invited into her life just by that single encounter? More than a 1150!
There are still male virgins out there. I am one of them at more than 40!
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chinhu ngachirohwe pachamukira.marriage or not chinhu ngachirohwe kana wangohwa uchichida.zvinobetserei vane mavirgin anongohura vasiri mavirgin vanongohura so why worry.kana mese muchiona zvakakodzera kuisana pasina marriage whats the matter.pamwe munotoda zvenyu upenyu husina commitment
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HIV/ AIDS is killing is especially the Southern part of Africa, so if possible people must try to Abstain, if they cant, Be faithfull to one partner, or Condomise, or Do it yourself, if you fear the risk of of pregnancy and STI’s and HIV.
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This could be a dream come true to reality if the guy you were about to marry told me that he was a virgin and he wanted to wait till the wedding night because now day, most men just want to jump in the bed without even knowing you. I got married virgin and it was really nice, my husband no and he taught me a lot of things and I am single finding it hard to have a serious relationship because most men want sex; they seem to careless about your mentality; it just seem like they just want the sex….so it could honestly be a blessing to find a man who want to wait until after the marriage, to have sex because it could give you time to know each other without the all those bagages that follows the sex life. PLUS I am 100% award of the fact that sex is more than what most peoples tend to make it to be (It is the job of the devils to make everyone goe crazy about the SEX). One point that most people ignore is the simple fact that SEX is BEST when combine with honest feeling of love and most don’t have that or don’t even know that about, because they are just busy going about the business without any/much knowledge about it/because if you are award of its realite you will pull your pants up and wait of the right man or woman to get married with and get your freak on freely. PEACE
TO male virgins, I wished you guys were more so that you could put some senses in the rest of the peoples’ head. I got much respect for you all and keep your head up high.
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