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Today was one of those days in which I had to be extremely early to work – so I basically did my cab runs (as a side note, I hear the word runs has a different meaning in Naija these days) to ensure that I get to work on time. Generally, the cab that picks me up from home, picks up a lady and her daughter from home as well.
As we sat in the cab quietly laughing at how Uncle SAM has made us tireless workers, the woman suddenly turns to her daughter, “WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?” she shouted. Startled, I turned around to look at the little girl expecting to see an attire that would incite a mother’s ire. The girl was dressed more bohemian than anything else. She had a flowery tunic, her natural hair in bun, a pair of blue jeans and a pair of shoe like slippers that I could easily have rocked. Basically, do I dare say it, she was a mini version of myself on my most comfortable day.
” YOU ARE SO STUPID” , ” YOU ARE 12 YEARS WHY DON”T YOU KNOW HOW TO DRESS” “YOU ARE SO USELESS” As the words tripped out of her mother’s mouth, I noticed the little girl shrinking more and more into her seat and then she burst into tears. I should have said enough. But, this lady looked livid enough to beat me, the driver and the little girl with one mighty slap. It was as though this beautiful woman had been transformed to a version of evil that I have seen amongst black families. I know if I told this story amongst my Naija folks, they will say things like” na Oyinbo dey do you. Na wetin be this abuse you dey talk about?”
But seriously when is enough enough. How do you know as a parent that you’ve crossed the line between a reprimand and something else? I don’t know but as I looked at that carefully polished woman become something else – I asked myself, is this who I will become when I become a mother? Will I not know when the boundary has been crossed from training a child to killing a child.
Let me tell you something – words can strip, words can hurt and most importantly words can kill. For many young girls, as they imbibe these words that tell them that they are stupid, they won’t amount to much at a constant basis – they start believing these things and what you have created is a child who will either try to prove that she is worthy and become an over achiever (not necessarily a good thing) or might become an under achiever( a parent’s nightmare).
So parents be careful of the words you say to your children – those words stick. I will like to add that this system of training seems more common in the black home than other kinds of homes? Why is that?
That is right Pammy. Parents should be careful on the words they use when trying to discipline the kids becaz it will stay with the kid for the rest of their lives. I grow up in an extended family and they where some careless words that were said that time that still hurt me at the age of 43. Its always good to be careful before you talk when it comes to discipline.
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chi Naija chakupinda rough…….my policy spare the rod spoil the child . I am what i am today becoz of shamu & prayer.
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pammy in shona there is a saying that goes “mugoni wepwere ndeasinayo” roughly it means or translates to its the one with no child who is a child expert.this does not mean take advice from a childless person it actually means dont take advice from someone childless about your child in the sense that they always think they are better positioned to judge better.
parenting is a tough call.no parent enjoys hurting their child but there has to be a balance between common sense and reality.you can not let your child grow into something that society will not accept.you may try to teach your child softly but it does not mean you will always be soft with them .i feel sorry for the lady you cite in your story.at 12 that girl is about teen age and that is a very frustrating period in the life of many mother and child.
i donot agree with you that this was any abusive yet i was not there enough to know that it was not abusive.i therefore can only be general.do not just condemn parents children are a challenge and remember parenting is a natural thing that we do not go to any school for.
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Children needs a beating and a shout sumtimes. These are the two things that has led a lot of us zimbos to where we are today.Of course it hurts from a subjective point of view but let us be objective. Parks shame shame sitereki wakabatwabatwa but compare yourself with sum pampered dolls and see how dedicated you are. go rod to the child go…
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