Most girls grew up reading stories about Snow White, Cinderella and what have you. The image that grew in our minds is that, “one day we will meet the prince of all prince”, this guy with physical and mental abilities will sweep us off our feet and take us to a palace where we will live happily ever after. 19 years or more later, many are still seeking, some have found a prince, many have married princes turned toads.

This week was one in I had to re contemplate on that word, “marriage” – what does it actually mean? What meaning has it taken in today’s society?. I was really saddened to read a couple of sad stories on blog ville. It made me ask again, “how do we know that love is over?”. “How do we know that it is time to cut the knot?”. “When is it okay to take that plunge and move on”.

A couple of months ago, I made the mistake of calling a good friend of mine at home when her husband was around. For months, I will ask ‘how hubby dey?’ – She will avoid my questions. I thought maybe it was a little patch, that most people in relationships have. I called her that day and I heard her husband yelling on the phone. Now, we know that our African men can yell (pls, women talk true) but this yelling wasn’t a normal one. You could hear that this man did not hold her in high esteem. He had no respect for her. It made me wonder what else could be taking place in that home. I wondered why she was in such a relationship? Why didn’t she cut out? Go for marriage counseling if this man was the love of her life – I know he isn’t but that is a story for another day. Or then, maybe I am over reacting…..

I know for many African women (particularly West African women), there is a badge that we hold proudly in being a Mrs. Somebody. We say , ‘oh yes’, that is our husband with such pride as if we won such a huge battle or something but there are times to go it alone and times that it is okay to start afresh again. Moving from being a Mrs (in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship) to starting afresh as a Miss or Ms is fine, as long as you can look at yourself and just breathe.

Question For You?

What will you do if you had a friend in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, will you just be there for them or will you try to get them out of it?

Pamela Stitch can be reached at pamelastitch@zimbabwemetro.com