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It all started on the play ground, as a nine years old girl learnt a valuable lesson that will remain with her for the rest of her life. This life lesson was brought about by Billy – the 10 years old cool kid on the block pushing her off the swing. As she cried her tears of pain – her older sister running up to her gave her these home truths, “the reason Billy pushed you off the swing and hurt you is because he really likes you”. This lesson will remain with this young girl for the rest of her life as she wades through her story of love realizing that often times hurt and pain often comes with that thing called love.
I remember a couple of years ago – a book came out chronicling this tale of love and hurt and this book became an instant success as the mantra for all single dating women became, “maybe he is not that into you”. But, despite the success of this book and of course the movie that came out a couple of months ago – many are still falling into the same trap and realizing a little bit too late that there often is no correlation between love and sex. This write up applies to both men and women. These are the points to keep in mind that he/she is not that into you.
1) Emotional signs: He finds it difficult to call you his girlfriend or his significant other. He has been with you for more than 6 months and yet still hasn’t said,” I love you”. He loves that word, “friend” and in his mind that often means – “fuck buddy”.
2) He shows you disrespect – I have always believed that the way a person treats another one defines what you think about that person. A person who is condescending, always never has anything positive to say about anything you do is definitely not a person you should have around you because what that person does is bites away at your esteem until you find yourself asking for their opinion on anything that concerns you. Any person that puts down your values, ideals , your ideas is definitely not into you. I will go as far as saying that you are setting yourself up for an emotionally abusive relationship that can potentially be physically abusive if care is not taken.
3) Mr. Chaser: Now, this is a special breed that most women have met at one time or the other in their dating lives. This guy is just thrilled with the chase. He loves looking like a God. What he does is that he chases, romances, buys, spoils and makes it seem as though he is in love with you and only you and when he gets what he wants – he moves on to the next person. The only way to avoid getting hurt by this special breed is to have a ‘breathe button’ where you constantly assess everything he does and you try to ensure that you do not get caught up in the ‘superficial’ or ‘things’. Find out what he is about? Who is he really? Don’t fall for the lines. “You are the only one for me” often is a line that he sprouts to several people at the same time, you and the person he meets online at 10 pm at night.
4) Friends with Benefit: I am not going to say anything more about this. Please, read previous posts to see what I have said about this. I will recommend that you do the friends with benefit thing only if you can handle it. Don’t start and start thinking about a relationship unless HE brings it up.
5) Dwindling communication: Remember how you two met? You could hardly get enough of each other. Every moment you were either texting, calling, or using other communication tools to keep in touch and then all of a sudden he is too busy to call, text or use those tools. Or most importantly when you two talk, you don’t talk about anything really important. You don’t know about his family, work, friends etc. Trust me on this – someone else is getting that information and enjoying the priviledge of these communication. As I often say, if you suddenly drop off the radar – someone else IS on that radar.
I chose these five points because I have seen so many African men and women fall into these traps. I hope you enjoy it, read it and send me your comments at pamelastitch@zimbabwemetro.com. If you feel the need to send me snail mail – you can at Pamela Stitch, PO BOX 702 LYNBROOK, NY, 11563
Pamela Stitch writes out of Long Island, New York.
Ha ndiro rudo rwacho. rwune kuvharana kwakawanda. the problem with women is if you show them respect and chase them or call them a lot, they will think you’re a wussy and it kills the chemistry. I have learned from experience, the more you become a difficult to your woman, the more she loves. So? I will keep it like that. Any woman who will be fed up with my unreceptive behaviour can make way for others who are longing to be with me.
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dont forget the saying that ‘love bites.’woman dont wanna be loved they only want to be listened to.then i can listen to you often at the same tym caring for someone who listen to me next door.dont baby child man all the time we were born to lead.
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vakadzi vee help me my girlfriend used to boast bout her virginity all the time but one day ndanyengerera apo ndapamusoro she said she felt some pain but ndakangopinda chamunyurududu no blood, no forceful penetration is that normal ladies answer me.i learnt she used a bicycle from grade 1 up to form 1.
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ndokunyeperwa mozi gero rako ranga rakanyoporiwa kudhara waitovharwa, of course blood rinogona kusawanda pakubuda asi hauzoshayi tuma drops kana kaone zvako, let me tell you vasikana vangwarisa kuno kuharare kune ku epworth kwavarikuenda vopiwa kamudzi kekupfekera ku down uku kuita virgin so varume out there be careful munonyeperwa ruff, vasikana mavirgin atove kach**** kusvika pagrade 2 otherwise munonyeperwa imi.
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what i want to emphasize is vakadzi can be virgins as many times as possible. pane zvakudzosera humhandara vasikana vese vanoda ndibatei paweb ino ndikupei, someone akatotengerwa mota ati i vegaz ezvo zvipi kamuti kepa epas kakapenga
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pamela ,let me say friends test the resolve of their friendship by telling each other the truth.i am a blogger myself, a self made writer if you like.this pamela , is the worst of your writings.i can hardly make its purpose and i can hardly find reason to respond.i will try though in the name of honesty .just read the comments left so far and you can see these guys are already stretching for comments.otherwise keep up writing.
despite your exclusion close this article is still about girls on one side and men on the other and not about them both.it really sounds that much.
that as well but the attempt at putting guys into catergories is not just not cool.i am someone who loves a woman with rare devotion but i am not romantic.i can hardly keep saying i love you he ee i what i just haveno battery for that kind of trivialities as i call them but i treat mine so well its my works which talk.
respect is two way and respect is relative.it is cultural and it is personal.there are issues one individual might find completely disrespectful when a larger society may find acceptable behaviour.respect to what extent?things like this respect business are what people raise as the final clutch at straws when a relationship fails.remember what i have always said is in any relationship (in the context of our discussion)the real motive is sex.nce that is achieved social etiquette may take over but the eal aim is sexual engagement.that is natural only that women analyse it in the same script as emotions when its just a purely natural mechanics of pro-creation.
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in’mr chaser ‘ you have tried to create a situation where women must always be on the look out or men’s next trick sort of.why go into a relationship where for al its life you will be trying to find signs of being cheated or abused?makes no sence if you ask me .a relationship is worth it for as long as it is happy and has active sex.the moment one shifts focus to “is e cheating ” mode that relationship is ot worth it.not for me at least.the “you are the only one” lines are necessary if not for anything but jst to put poetry in relationships and they work together with what is going on in the relationship.obviously i would not say you are my only one when we are in the middle of a cheating induced fight.i have to change the tone and wording but intending to mean the same.its the necessary language of ‘love’
friends with benefit.i cant really work out this but my advice men is never befriend a woman you intend sleeping with.if its sleeping you are after get her for that purpose -period.usatambe nenyama.
communication you say .no one gets back to they day they met.never its not possible even for those cudly lovies you see in a soap.when you move you move.relationships are dynamic.but well as for this about no calling no knowing family that i must admit is true and i have fallen victim of that .my latest girl is the best and most beautiful but she will never call me.she just will not phone and it worries me.
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These are signs for both men and women…unfortunately. I used he on the five reality points but we all know that women can fall into this cartegory as well.
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why you never warn us guys to watch out for this and that kind of woman. no isms and schisms please
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IWE CHAUNODA CHII?
KANA WAZIVA CHAUNODA
ITA RESEARCH, BVUNZA VAMWE, BVUNZA VAKURU, BVUNZA MANUFACTURER
GO TO THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT WITH THE RIGHT REQUIREMENTS (ON YOUR PART)
WOWANA ZVE!
ZVINO…..
Vazhinji varikutsvaga baba vevana and future reliable husband ……………..kupiko? mustreet, mubhawa nemuma gemhu.
vamwe vanoenda kunotsva ma**** kuchurch
vamwe vachitsvaga varume pabasa…………………cofusion
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This is too simplistic an analysis.I agree with Cde Zvazvaita on this one.Surely a single Dvd,documentary or book cannot be used as evidence in research.
You see zve Love zvine maCLass.GERO repaDANCEFLOOR rine maexpectations akasiyana neGERO rinopinda POsitori.I mean this article has a lot of Generalisations.
SIS PAM, point 1& 2 can be nothing other than infatuation.LOve is complex and is not as simple as
1+1 =2.You have not even included age group or what generation you are talking about.Please next time do a bit more research
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Pammy is fast running out of blog stories. Any body has an idea wat’s hapening?
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iwe Singleboy, ko akakuudza kuti ndirikushaya bonde wozodii?
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age group: does it really matter – the issues raised are issues regardless of age group…??
that said….
running out of blog stuff: NEVER……:D Just really crazy busy around this time…but don’t worry I have not forgotten you guys….
you can always send me an email you know….
Pammy
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gore rese nyaya one vana pamela.tingamirire izvizvo here?
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shuwa prints.
pammy tsvaga zvimwe zvino stmulata pfungwa dzevanhu.
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pammy kwidza mapitikoti or else vanhu vanoramba vachifunga kuti waadofo. roughly what i am saying is raise yourself pammy you profile is fast going down
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NANHASI HERE NHAI?
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comrade pammy has hit bottom low.from the days she could get 30 responses in one day to 19 responses in 3.5 weeks.cause for concern.cde. zvazvaita call for day of prayer please
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